Happy 3 year Anniversary!

Yes, it's true...we've been married for three years!  I remember when we got married Sean's brother Nate and his wife Telisha had been married for three years and they had two kids, and I thought...jeesh...they've been married forever!  Haha (love you Nate and T :) and all your cute kids)  And when we were in our first BYU married/student ward people would ask us how long we had been married, and we would say a few months...and then we would ask them, and they would say they had been married three years I remember thinking...yikes they're really old!  Well, now it's us...we're old.  (Imagine what I will feel like it when we've been married 30 years?!)

Honestly, it's been the best three years of my life.  We've definitely had good times and bad times, and sometimes I want to light him on fire, :) but Sean is the best thing that's ever happened to me...and I can't imagine my life without him.  He truly is my better half...he's everything I'm not.  I know that he is everything my Dad ever wanted for his little girl, and more. 

Three down, eternity to go.  I love you Sean, Happy Anniversary.

(Sean's favorite wedding pic)

2011...you suck.

As if my Dad passing away wasn't enough, we just got robbed.  Yes, the same couple that was robbed and took everything Sean owned less than two months before we got married.  About two weeks ago, Sean got out of school early and met me for lunch.  He was gone FOR ONE HOUR, and this is what he came home to.

They used a crowbar to bust open our front door.  Apparently no one saw them doing this.  Then, Sean went into the family room and saw this-

...that's when it hit him.  We've been robbed!  FML.  They took the T.V., the Xbox, a bunch of Xbox games, and the controllers.

Luckily I don't have very much expensive jewelery, because if I did it would be gone.  The took a pearl necklace my Mom gave me, a Coach wristlet I got for a birthday present-which of course was full of jewelery (all costume jewelery, but still there were like 7 pairs of earrings and a necklace).  Huge bummer.  :(  After seeing my jewelery box open, Sean instantly thought about my diamond ring.  I don't wear it to work because I wear gloves all day (the rings rips my gloves and gets really gross from everything).  I just wear my wedding band to work.

Luckily, I keep it in a separate dish next to the sink where I wash my face, so they apparently missed it.  Thank goodness!  It's definitely the most expensive item we own, and we would have been totally screwed if they had taken it. 

This is what the office looked like when Sean went in.  They didn't take the computer (weird?), but they took an ipod out of the drawer, a USB cord to our iphones (wtf?), and who really knows what else.  We're still finding things each day that are missing.  I'll ask Sean, "hey have you seen *****, and then I'll realize-crap...they took that too!"  Some of the things missing are kind of random, like our green throw blanket we had on the couch--gone.  We think maybe they used it to wrap the T.V. in?  Who knows, but basically it sucks. 

I know this sounds stupid, but the thing I'm probably most upset about that was stolen was my ihome.  My brothers (bless their hearts) never really get me birthday/any presents.  Maybe it's a guy thing, who knows?  But, for my wedding/birthday present they all chipped in and bought my an ihome, which they knew I had been wanting forever.  Of course I can get a new one, but it was kinda special to me, I know...it's weird.  Obviously, Sean's most upset about the T.V.  We have a T.V. in our bedroom.  It's a tube television set that I got for my 15th birthday, haha!  I wonder why they didn't want to take that?  It reminds me of the commercial where a family comes home from vacation and everything is taken but their old school computer.  They then decide...maybe it's time for a new computer...haha.  But, at this point it's better than nothing.  Luckily we have renter's insurance, so I realize it could be a lot worse.  We called them the day we got robbed, and of course they're dragging their feet and taking forever to get things replaced.  2011 has just started, and I already can't wait for it to be over.  Ugh, FML.  I've seen this quote before, and honestly this is exactly how I feel.

"I know God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

- Mother Teresa

Sexy Beast

 In honor of Sean's 26th birthday I got a new car!  We traded in my RX 330, and got an IS 250.  I told Sean I feel like this is my 'last chance' to have a fun car until we have kids.  Then I'll have to drive something like the RX or a bigger car.  I loved the crossover, but it was time for a change!  I've been drooling over the IS 250 for over a year now...and frankly, Sean was probably just sick of hearing me freak out every time we would see one!  It's so sexy, I love it!

Boom baby.

Only 47 miles!  Neither of us have ever owned a brand new car, and I must say...we are loving it!

She's a beauty!

Love, love, love it.

I'm not okay.

 As many of you know my Dad recently passed away.  This is not my first attempt at blogging about it.  I've started multiple times, but somehow couldn't keep my composure long enough to finish anything legible. Since he's passed away everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing, and my response has always been the same, "I'm doing okay."  But that is a lie, I'm not okay.  Most girls are close with their Mothers, but I never have been.  I have four brothers, I am the only girl, and from the beginning I've always been a Daddy's girl.  Until Sean, my Dad has always been the one I've turned to for advice, to confide in, to vent, to share good and bad news, to laugh, and to cry with.  He was always been there for me when I've needed him, and now he's gone.

Many of you know what has gone on over the past year with his health, and for a while things were looking up.  This may come as surprise to some of you, but sometimes I have breakdowns (just kidding I'm sure none of you are really surprised).  Most of the time there is a good reason for them, but that's not always the case.  Tuesday, January 11th was one of those nights where I was really upset, and for no good reason I had a breakdown.  I was in the next room  balling my eyes out for a good 45 minutes before Sean (not the most observant person ever) realized I was gone. I was inconsolable, I wasn't just crying...I was sobbing.  For the past year I've been upset about my Dad, but honestly it had never been that bad.  It went on for hours, I didn't get any sleep, and of course I had to be at work bright and early the next day.

The next day at work I had a missed call and voice mail from my Mom. I instantly knew something was wrong, my Mom never calls me.  It was the call I had been dreading for the last year, my Dad wasn't doing well and there was nothing more the Doctors could do.  She told me I needed to come home and that he wasn't going to make it.  I then realized why I had been so upset the night before, I think I knew it was coming.

Sean and I flew in that weekend, everyone waited until we were there to take him off life support.  As soon as we got there I went up to his hospital room.  It was a terrible sight, it didn't even look like him.  He was hooked up to so many machines I lost count.  His kidneys were failing, one of his lungs collapsed, he was having multiple strokes, and he was on a ventilator.  He was completely living off the machines.  They had to weaken his immune system so his body wouldn't reject the new heart, so he was more prone to infection.  He contracted pneumonia within 30 hours of being discharged after his transplant...and basically it was downhill from there.  The infection was running rampant through his body, and sepsis was beginning to take place.  He has always made it very clear that these were not his wishes.  He did not want to be a vegetable or live off machines. It was very hard for my Mom, but we had to respect his wishes.

We took him off life support at 2 p.m. on Monday, January 17th.  The doctors said it could take a few minutes to a few hours.  It took over three hours.  Those were hands down, the worst three hours of my life.  It was awful, we were all just sitting around his bed waiting for him to die.  Everyone was miserable, you could see it all over our faces.  Towards the end, there would just be longer and longer periods of time between his gasps for air.  At one point all of us thought he had passed, and my youngest brother Daniel broke down in tears and started hugging my brother Chris while they cried together.  It was the saddest thing I have ever seen, then 30 seconds later my Dad took another breath.  Sean and I have been together over 3 years and up until this point I had never seen him cry.  Once Daniel started crying, we all kind of lost it.  My Mom was holding his right hand I was holding his left when he gave up the fight at 5 p.m. that evening. 

I remember thinking how sad I was at that moment, and how sorry I was feeling for myself.  Then I looked over at my Mom, beside herself, thinking how she had just lost her best friend in the world.  Then looking at my little brother Daniel who just graduated high school, thinking how many things my Dad was going to miss him do.  I realized how really lucky I am.  I am the only one my Dad has been able to see get married, graduate from college, go through the temple, watch me succeed in my career, and make a life for myself.  I should really count my blessings for 24 years I've had with him.  I am so lucky to have had him as a Father for so long.

My brothers David and John weren't able to be there for anything.  David is in Afghanistan with the Army, and John is on a mission in India.  I was really sad they weren't able to be there.  I thought the viewing and funeral went really well, as well as those types of things could possibly go.  If my older brother John were there, I felt like he would've wanted to say something at the funeral.  So as the oldest there, I represented the children by being one of the speakers at the funeral.  I spoke of what an amazing example he was to me and my brothers, how he never failed to incorporate the gospel into our home, the wonderful memories I have of the many family vacations he took us on, how he was always so involved in our lives and would cancel as many patients as he needed to be at our activities, and how deeply he will be missed.

Honestly, this has been really hard on mine and Sean's relationship.  For those of you who know Sean, he's clearly not the most sensitive guy you've ever met.  Neither of us have ever been through this, and it's been really hard.  He doesn't know what he needs to do, and I don't really know what to tell him to do.  I've just lost one of the most important people in my life, and I'm just sad.

People keep telling me it will get easier with time, I really hope that is true.  I feel like all day I'm just suppressing how upset I really am, that it's just a matter of time until I have a breakdown.  Some days I can't even make it through a cleaning, I have to excuse myself right in the middle of it because the tears are clouding my vision.  Truthfully, some days are better than others, and then sometimes it just depends on the hour of the day. 

The night after the funeral my brother Chris gave me a letter that my Dad had written in July.  He had written one to each of us children, my mom, my Grandma (his mom), and his only brother.  I had no idea that he had written anything like that.  Enclosed in the letter he told me how proud he is of me, what a privilege it has been to be my earthly father, and  how much he loves me.  I obviously was bawling my eyes out when I read it, but I know it will be something that I will treasure for the rest of my life.  I really love the last sentence, and would like to share it with all of you.

            "It is clear to me that you are favored of the Almighty, and I will look forward to our reunion in the Spirit World where I will perhaps have influence to assist you through the challenges of this life." 
                                              Love now and forever, Dad


I've read this a few times on my hardest days, and it makes it a little easier to know he is watching over me.  I hope and pray everyday that I can be more like him.  I love and miss him so much.  I can't wait for the day when I get to see him again.

A little late...

I know Christmas was over a month ago, but we've been a little busy lately.  I always love looking at what people do for the Holidays, so here it is!

I didn't have any time off of work for Christmas (shocker) so we decided to stay in Texas for Christmas.  I guess you could say it was "my family's turn" for Christmas since we went to California last year, but because of work we went to my parent's house for Thanksgiving instead. (By the way I think it's really dumb when couples fight over which family's house they go to for Holidays because your spouse is your family now, but that's a whole other topic) This was our second Christmas out of our four Christmases together that we've done our own thing, and it's always so nice.  Luckily, we have amazing family here so it was even better than our first loner Christmas. 

Christmas morning Aunt Marlys and Uncle Del invited us over to their house to open presents and for an amazing breakfast.  Of course Kylie, Mike, and Preston were there too which made it even more fun.

We got Aunt Marlys and Uncle Del matching BYU basketball shirts.  For anyone who knows Aunt Marlys and her LOVE for BYU sports, it was a successful present to say the least.

I got Sean Lakers, Blackhawks, and USC t-shirts

Look at how cute Preston is in his Christmas jammies!

Our little present to Kylie and Mike for their new house!

Haha!  Grandma's presents from Kylie and Mike.  Do you think she likes it?

Kylie, you crack me up.  I just couldn't leave this one out.

Sean got me a massage!

This was Sean's big present.  I got him Rockband, with the new keyboard too!  For those of you who know what I got him last year...this wasn't quite as cool, but he seemed to really like it.

Aunt Kathryn and Preston.

I've been coveting these earrings forever!  I can't believe Sean remembered, he surprises me sometimes. :)

Uncle Del made Kylie and Mike these sweet bookshelves for their office in their new house! 

Aunt Elaine and Uncle Mark had everyone over to their house for Christmas dinner and games.  It was delicious, as always!  Conveniently the Lakers were playing that night too, so the boys weren't playing games with us very much.

The boys.

Haha, I like this one because of Kylie on the side!

So, I know it was forever ago...but that was our Christmas!  It was our first Christmas in Texas, hopefully to be followed by many more.  It definitely wouldn't have been as fun as it was without Sean's great family that we're surrounded by.  I don't know if I express it to them as much as I should, but I am so grateful for them, they truly make us feel right at home.

Birth Control

Sean and I teach the six and seven year old CTR class in Primary.  This is by far the funnest, most challenging calling I have ever had.  We have a HUGE class, there are 16 kids!  Granted, not all of them come every week, we average 12-13 kids each Sunday.  Every Sunday Sean and I are so excited to see all of these crazy kids, but after being with them for two hours I'm always relieved to hand them back over to their parents.  They are so sweet, and freaking hilarious, but sometimes they can be huge pains and I want to beat them.  Haha!

Since it's the end of the year and we will be getting a new class next week, Sean and I decided to throw them a Pizza Party/Movie Night at our apartment.  We were 'supposed to' be watching "ELF",  eating popcorn, and having fun..but instead they were just running around our little apartment like crazy people all night.  It was actually really funny.  As mad as I wanted to be I just couldn't be, they're so freaking cute (and crazy).  We felt like we couldn't tell them to simmer down that much because that's all we really do at church.

When Elle's mom picked her up she asked, "Why are you guys doing this, are you crazy?  Is this just birth control for you two?"  Haha...maybe.

All the kiddies.  As you can see, one of the first of may spills on the carpet.

Girl picture!  We almost got all of them looking :)

Boy picture, typical.

This is Charlie, he is the funniest little boy ever.  Every Sunday Charlie comes and sits on my lap, all through sharing time and the lesson.  A few Sundays ago Charlie asked me, "Do you know why I always sit on your lap?" "No", I replied.  He said, "It's because I have a crush on you." I said, "Well you better go tell Brother Packard this."  So Charlie runs over to the other side where Sean is sitting and says, "Hey-I have a crush on the girl teacher."  Sean said, "Well that's my girlfriend, so I'm going to have to beat you up." Charlie quickly replied, "Well I'll kick you in your pee-pee!"  Sean gave him the look of disdain and Charlie gasped, "Sorry!", and then ran back over to me.  Hahaha!  This is just one of the many funny things he has done.

This is Elle and Scottie.  All of the boys are in LOVE with Elle.  They are always following her around, and will do anything she says.  It's really cute.  A lot of times when the boys are misbehaving (which is quite frequently) we sit them by Elle, and it always seems to help. :)

Sean was taking pictures of the kids crossing their eyes all night, and this is one of my personal favorites.

We ALMOST had all of them smiling, but then there's our shining star Jaxon (little boy in the back making a retarded face) making every picture special.

A new heart for Christmas

A lot of you know my Dad had his third heart attack two days after Christmas last year.  He had his first heart attack soon after he and my mom got married over 27 years ago while water skiing with my mom and her brother.  He had his second heart attack 19 years ago, right after my mom had my youngest brother Daniel.  She had five kids under the age of seven.  Some of you might be thinking he is a 500 pound obese guy, who sits on the couch eating cheese puffs..but this is not the case.  He is very careful with what he eats, and monitors everything closely.  He hasn't eaten red meat in the last 19 years, has fish occasionally, and only has turkey on Thanksgiving and Christmas. My dad has horrible genetics.  He has heart disease on his mom and dad's side.  So, needless to say he and my mom have been through a lot the last thirty years.

The doctors informed us this last heart attack has done the most damage.  His heart was too weak, and there wasn't enough viable muscle to operate on.  Any surgery would surely fail, and he wouldn't make it.  He needed a new heart.  So in the meantime, they implanted a V.A.D., a Ventricular Assist Device, which essentially replaced the function of my dad's failing heart.  It's amazing the technology that is available now, he didn't even have a pulse!  Whenever he was at home he needed to be plugged in, the VAD could run on batteries for four hours at a time, which clearly made it difficult for him to practice dentistry, or be alone at all.  This changed my parents' marraige completely, my mom had to be at his side 24/7, if something did go wrong they only had a few minutes to react, or he wouldn't make it.

In order to even be considered to be put on the donor list, my Dad had to go through vigorous testing, a lot of emotional and psychological counseling, and mostly just waiting.  After a long nine months, my dad was finally put on the Heart Transplant List.  He's actually a pretty good candidate for a new heart.  He doesn't smoke, drink, and eats very healthy. The hospital informed my family that the first 30 days the patient is on the list is the only time when he would be top priority.  After that 30 days came and gone, we began to think he would never get a heart.  The VAD is only a temporary situation, used as a gateway into getting a transplant.

Then, this past Tuesday, December 7th (as my dad reminded us all "Pearl Harbor" day) around 11:30 a.m. my dad got the call. I was at work, oddly enough I had finished my patient 20 minutes early and was in the break room, eating all the Christmas goodies specialists bring us, when my little brother Dan texted me, "Dad got the call".  I instantly burst into tears.  I called him right away and he was crying too.  I'm still not sure if it was a happy/scared/excited cry, but I really was happy.  I talked to my Dad quickly not knowing if it would be the last time I would ever talk to him expressing to him how much I loved him, and how I wished I could be there to hold his hand with the rest of our family.  I wished him good luck and told him I would call him after I got out of work.  He said they were rushing to get out the house to get to Northwestern and would be in surgery by 6:00 that night.  Even though this surgery had a 97% success rate, I was still very nervous, people die all the time on the operating table.  He has been through five or six surgeries where he only had a 60-70% chance he would make it, so even though this was a wonderful thing that was happening, we all had so many mixed emotions.

As Sean as my witness, I was an emotional wreck (poor Sean). I was up all night texting, calling, and waiting for updates from my mom and brothers.  On my way to work the next morning I got the good news I had been praying so fervently for-the surgery went perfectly.  My dad has a young, healthy, new heart.  It will still be a long road to recovery, but he is doing very well I'm told.  I talked to him twice since the intubation tube has been removed.  He is very optimistic, and so are the rest of us.

I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers, fasting, kind words, calls, texts, and support they have given me and my family over this past year.  This has truly been a long, hard year for my family and I know we couldn't have made it through with out our wonderful friends and family, but mostly we couldn't have done it without the gospel and the amazing promise of eternal families.

This is truly the best Christmas present my family and I could ever ask for.