Saturday, January 17, 2015

4 years of missing you...

Dear Dad,

Today has been four years since you passed away.  I'm not going to lie, I just freaking hate this day.  I honestly dread the entire month of January.  It just  As much as I try to distract myself, and keep myself busy...I still feel as if I have a lump in my throat the entire day, and I'm just doing my best not to think about how much I miss you...and from having a massive breakdown.

Today was a typical Saturday.  I had dance practice this morning.  I woke up early to practice dances, but I couldn't dance, I couldn't even really think. I just kept crying.

Sean got his wisdom teeth taken out this weekend.  He's been in and out with the sedation wearing off, and taking know he's a lightweight.  Sean is a great husband, you know he is.  But he's not very good at remembering dates, or more specifically important and meaningful dates.  He never has remembered what day you passed away, and I definitely wasn't expecting him to remember while he was all drugged up. :)  So, it was just me...alone with my thoughts.

 I spent a good 30 minutes sobbing on the couch by myself...thinking how crazy that it's already been 4 years, since the day you left us.  But it still stings like you left us yesterday.  I keep trying to look for the silver lining in all of this heartache, why God took you from us...and why was it your time to go home and return to him?

I eventually consoled myself enough to get ready for the day.  The drive to dance practice wasn't much better. I had do pull over multiple times through sob fests....ridiculous.  As I was pulling up to the studio, I got a text from Mom.  You know very well that Mom and I haven't had the best say the least.  We don't speak very often, and when we do it's very brief.   Then I read her text...
Ugh, it felt like I just got stabbed in the heart.  How could I honestly be so selfish, and not think about Mom?  I seriously can't imagine how she feels, I know she misses you so much.  I don't know what I would do if I lost Sean, he's my best friend and my entire world.  Cue for total breakdown.

I had actually gotten to practice 15 minutes early...luckily.  I used every minute to get myself together before walking in 30 seconds before practice started (the last thing I needed today was extra burpees).  Apparently my failed attempt to make myself presentable was pretty obvious.  I tried my best not to make eye contact with any of the girls, for fear they would see my puffy, bloodshot eyes.  As I was fumbling with my bag in the corner my good friend Olivia, knowing what today was, came behind me and gave me a big hug.  Then came the tears...the ugly kind.  You know, the kind of crying where you feel like you can't breathe and you come up grasping for breath between sobs...yeah, it was bad.  I just kept hugging her, because I was too embarrassed to look up and have everyone see me   Within seconds, the rest of the girls quickly rushed over to us, which resulted in a 12 girl giant bear hug...which of course only made me cry more.  Olivia is so sweet, she actually started crying too (happens to me all the time Liv). I am so grateful for all my DSD sisters.  They all made what could have been a terrible 4 hour practice, into one of the best moments of my day.  Thanks girls, love you all.

You would have really liked them too, Mom loved coming to the game and meeting them.  I wish you could have come to see me dance too Dad, you know it's always been a dream of mine to dance professionally.  I'm so glad you were able to see me dance throughout elementary, middle school, high school, and college.

After practice, Liv and I had made plans to meet up with our friend Manda to grab lunch and get our nails done.  I initially was hesitant about going out, but it turned out being another tender mercy of the day.  I felt bad leaving Sean alone so long because of his wisdom teeth removal, but I wasn't exactly in a hurry to get home after his 'annual day of date amnesia', We ended up having a great time, despite me yelling at the nail technician...ugh, first world problems.  It really helped to have my friends keep me busy, and I love them for it.  Then I headed back home to play my frequent role as 'Nurse Becky'.

I had a lot of friends text, call, and leave me messages throughout the day.  I know it seems silly, but it really does help.  It's so nice to know that I have friends and family that truly do care about me.

Now I am here, thinking about you again...trying to put some of my thoughts together.  Why do people say that it gets easier with time, time heals all wounds.  You know I hate it when people say that stupid crap.  It doesn't get easier, if it's possible I miss you more.  It's been so much longer since I've seen you, so much longer since I've talked to you.  I just hate it, I just hate today.

I still talk about you all the time, unlike today I can usually get through an entire conversation without completely losing it.  I think about you even more than I talk about you...every day.  I know I tell you this all the time, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.  You're in the back of my mind all throughout the day, and I guess that's the only thing I'm glad that hasn't gone away.  I know you're watching over us from the other side, wishing that we weren't so sad that you're not here with us anymore.  I try not to be sad Dad, I really do try.  Days like today are just hard without you.  I know we'll be together again someday, I truly do believe that.  I just wish that day wasn't so far away, I can't wait for the day when I get to see you again.  Please keep watching over the family and me, and I'll keep praying for the peace I know you want for me.

 I love you Dad, xoxo.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Sidney's Baptism

 In June, we went out to Seattle to see our oldest niece get baptized.  It was a very quick weekend trip (way too short), but we're so glad we were able to make it out for Sidney's special day.  It was so good to see everyone, it makes us miss them all over again.  

Telisha did a great job putting everything together.  The day turned out beautifully.

 Sidney, "Sunshine" Packard.

Sean's Mom was able to fly in from California for Sidney's special day too!  I thought this was such a great picture of Owen and Grandma.

Look at how cute she is!  Our little Sid bid, looking SO big!

 Telisha's Mom did a great job playing the piano for the baptism.  I however, was not the greatest conductor.  She carried us through every song!  Sherrie gave a talk on baptism, and Sean spoke about the Holy Ghost.  They both did a great job on their talks, everything was wonderful!

Nathan and Sidney. :)

I've always thought Sean looks exactly like his Mom.  This bodes well for the future!

 Nate did a great job, it was a beautiful baptism.

Say hello to the newest member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!  Sid and her Grandpa Berry (T's Dad) performed a touching duet.  Sean recorded it, here's the link:

Refreshment time!  The popsicles were a great idea, the kids LOVED them.

 EVERYONE'S favorite part, family pictures!  I thought the kids did a great job, there are a ton of pictures I took with some pretty cute faces.  This is one of my favorites.

 The Nathan and Telisha Packard family.

 And then it was our turn...oh Sean, always so dramatic with the pictures.  I love how everyone is smiling or laughing at him, at whatever fiasco he was causing. :)

 YAY, a cute keeper!  We love all these people so much.

My favorite, as always, the funny picture.  This is definitely my favorite picture from the entire weekend.  Thanks for having fun with us, we love you guys!

 We are so proud of Sidney for choosing to be baptized, and become a member of the church.  Sidney is such a sweet and happy girl, and we're so lucky to have her as a niece!

The most handsome little boys!  As usual, they were dying to play with my phone the entire weekend.  I'm pretty sure Nate and T wanted to kill me for allowing them to play on it...sorry guys.

 Sidney is by far, the funnest little girl to watch open presents.  I remember at her 2nd birthday party, every single present she opened she trembled with excitement and screamed.  It was basically the cutest thing ever.  I love that not much has changed, she is one of the most grateful and excited receiver of gifts.  Her faces are priceless!

 Sid's turn to open the present from Uncle Sen and Aunt Becky!

Her face, it kills me.  I love it.
This picture and poem of the three white dresses I also received on the day I was baptized.  Like a crazy old Aunt, I started to tear up a little bit as she was opening it...I kept thinking, come on Becky, get a grip!  It was so sweet watching her open it up and read the poem.  It brought back a lot of great memories, for which I am also grateful for.

 When we came to Seattle the first time at Thanksgiving, it was too cold to do a lot of stuff outside.  It was nice coming in the summer, so we could go and play in the pretty outdoors!

 Nate and T took us on a pretty hike at Wallace Falls.  Sean has got himself a pretty cute hiking buddy!

 Look at Owen down there!

 So pretty!

 A bunch of hikers!

I was super impressed at what a good job the kiddos did hiking.  They were champs! I still can't believe how big Taryn is, so crazy!

Just as we were getting to the top of the hike to eat some snacks, it started down pouring!  We tried to wait out the rain, but it kept raining harder and harder.  Eventually we just toughed it out and headed down the mountain.  Of course, just as we were finishing up the hike it stopped raining.  It wouldn't be an adventure without a little excitement. :)

PRESENT TIME!  Uncle Sean and Aunt Becky are notorious for bringing gifts when we come and visit.  We don't get to see these cute kiddos very often, so when we do it's nice to give them a little something.  I love watching them open presents and get so excited, it's always worth it.  Love these cuties!

 Owen thanking Uncle Sean for his little presents.  I'm pretty sure Taryn was more excited about the gift bag than she was anything inside it. :)

We miss these sweet little kiddos so much!

 Funny pics, they're essential.
Sidney, she's such a pretty little girl!

There were tons of people over, and it was SUPER loud, and these boys slept through all the noise.  They must be brothers...

In T's family, when someone gets baptized they get to go out to dinner with all the adults.  It's like a rite of passage, I think it's a cool tradition.   Sidney chose Red Robin, with bottomless fries--what's not to love?!

On the way to dinner we all squeezed in Nate and T's car so we could all ride together.  T accidentally knocked Sid's loose tooth, and it came right out!  We decided to do a little reenactment!

We came to visit the weekend before the 4th of July, so there were plenty of fireworks to be bought!  Nate and Sean put on a little show for us in the driveway.

 This is what happens when a 5 year old has your phone, hundreds of selfies!  It turned out to be a good distraction while we were driving around. :)

 Oh Owen, you crack me up!  Every time I see these pictures I still bust out laughing.  Nate kept screaming in the background, "Owen, take those shoes off!  Those are girls' shoes!" 

Love these boys, as always...I miss them terribly!

Thanks Nate and T for letting us come out to visit you, and for letting us be a part of Sidney's special baptism day.  It's something we'll always remember, I'm so glad we were there to celebrate her getting baptized.  As always, thanks for being amazing hosts, and showing us a great time.  We miss and love you all! Xoxo.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Nannie's Lakehouse

We started out our summer with a weekend of fun with our cousin-friends down at Nannie's lake house.  The last time we were all there was 3 years ago, oh how things have changed!  Janene was pregnant with Savannah, no twins, Sean and I were still living in an apartment, and Steve and Stephanie were still living in California.  This time we had five kids under the age of 3, and pretty much every thing else in life had changed.  We had a blast!

 Aaron's Nannie is quite possibly the sweetest person I've ever met in my life.  She and Grandpa Earl are the best hosts, and took great care of us.  We were there over Father's Day weekend, and had a nice little celebration dinner on Sunday too. 

 It was a little tricky to find a weekend that worked with all six of our schedules.  Sean has class every other weekend, Steve was about to start working Saturdays, and Aaron was between semesters.  We found a weekend, as always it never seemed long enough, but I'm SO glad we were all able to go. 
Just the beginning of all the pictures Sean would complain about... :)

 Tubing with the cutest little fish!  I was so surprised how brave little Savannah was, she kept sticking her head up and was smiling the entire time.

 Twinsies and Lyla just rollin' around, living the life...

Even though Steve and Sean hate pictures, they look pretty good in them.  We'll never stop guys, never!

Aaron may or may not have tired to kill us while tubing.  I was super impressed with our tubing skills.  Janene and I were flying through the air and were holding on for dear life!

I wish this was my life EVERY weekend!

Steve dragging Steph and little Parker around.  

SO PRETTY!  I seriously love this place...and these people.

The sweetest little lake buddy.

Besides all the pictures, this was probably Sean's favorite part of the weekend. Sean loves fishing.  Grandpa Earl took all the boys on the boat to catch us some supper!  

 Look at this cute little face!  Parker was a little upset he had to stay with all the girls while the boys were fishing.  Looks like he eventually recovered though...

The boys with all their victory catches!

 Grandpa Earl taught Sean the ways of gutting fish the efficient way.  Sean was in fish heaven!

 My happy place, just a girl and her bubba...

Love these hotties!

Something, something, you girls and your pictures...said Sean, Steve, and Aaron. :)

Just amazing...

Thanks for inviting us down to your amazing lake house again!  It was such a fun weekend, we had a blast!  We love you guys and we're so glad we have you as our friends. Xoxo!